I've done things my whole life that have involved me getting a lot of attention. I was a performing arts kid from the age of four. Singing, dancing, acting. I was in plays, musicals, bands, you name it. I sang solos, performed in groups. Even when I was in sports, I was always on a team (1991 Softball World Series runner-up, baby!) that garnered a lot of attention. And while I LOVED being a part of all of this and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, I was doing for the LOVE of everything, not for the attention. I liked hearing the compliments and the congratulatory comments, but I'm also a severe perfectionist. I was probably focusing on how I screwed up my solo or how I could have done better in some way. I have grown out of that a little bit, but it's definitely still there. ;) So as much as I loved doing things that required the spotlight at times, I really, really, really didn't like the attention they brought...
And I don't know why I thought this would be different with my tattoos. Only in the past couple of years have I started getting visible tattoos. I've been lucky enough to work in a field and for a boss who doesn't seem to mind if I show up with another tattoo on my arm. Believe me, I tested that very early on in my tenure at my current job. ;) I also started getting work from better artists a couple of years ago (see my previous blog on Fallen Owl Tattoo). And it started with small, random comments about the line work and the color on the ones on my forearms. Then the angel showed up. And the beach scene on my forearm. When it was not warm outside and I was wearing sleeves, nobody even noticed that this innocent-looking white girl (notice I said innocent-LOOKING) was hiding a decent amount of ink on her arms. But then, it started to get warmer, the sleeves got shorter, and all of a sudden, I was getting stopped in every place in every state, getting complimented on my tattoo work. At first I thought, well, this is kind of cool. You never know how people nowadays are going to take your tattoos, so the fact that they were liking them was a total positive in my book. And they were stopping me from across a store and across parking lots. Literally. I was in California last summer for my brother's wedding and I was walking into a Starbucks. I swear I was a good 50-75 feet away from these two guys sitting outside and as I got up to them, I got stopped and asked where I had gotten the angel done. The guy was a little mad when I said Colorado. :) But he had seen her WAY before I walked up to him. And that was my third tattoo compliment in about five minutes that day. My forearm piece (because it's so original and colorful) gets quite a bit of attention as well. And I didn't think my back piece would get a lot ('cause it's mostly covered up), but I wore a partially backless shirt one day and yep... I was asked to break out pictures of the whole piece or to strip down so they could see it. I obviously choose the former...There was a "viewing party" of sorts the last time I was at my salon.
Now the purpose of this is not to slam everyone who compliments my tattoos or tell them to stop. Not even close. I understand that it comes with the territory and that I will continue to get attention for my work until I'm old and wrinkly. And I love my tattoos because they are a part of who I am and always will be. And most of the people who compliment them are super sweet and sincere about it. But that's just it. I like the attention, but I don't like the attention. I like that they get attention, but shy away from the attention I get because it's not really about me. I LOVE the fact that my artists are getting recognized for their work and that I say their names twice as much as I say my own. I LOVE being a walking billboard for the tattoo shop that I have grown to absolutely love. And anytime they need me to show off their work and support the shop, I'm totally there. BUT I did not realize the amount of attention I was in for when I started this whole process. I did not realize the attention me AND my body would both get. Call me naive, call me an introvert, but I've just been in it for the artwork and what it means to me the whole time. And with every, "Thank you very much. Yeah, I have an amazing artist, don't I?", there's also a shy, introverted, perfectionist, self-conscious girl who cares more about getting her artists noticed than getting herself noticed. Who is silently thinking, "Yeah, but if I only lost my lovehandles or my tricep jiggle, they could take a better picture of it or the tattoo itself would just look better on it.." I've been like that my whole life. What this comes down to is body image and, while massage school was a severe wake-up call to me in that department and I'm a lot more comfortable in my skin now, it's still there...And this whole process has been bringing it to the forefront more than I thought it would.
Yes, I know I asked for this the minute I asked for the tattoo work. I asked for the attention to the artwork and to my body. But that's where I'm stuck in the dichotomy of this whole thing. Even though I may not embrace the attention or be used to it, I'm going to HAVE to get used to people staring at my tattoos and my body. Because I won't stop telling people my artists are awesome or try to drum up business for them. But I guess I didn't realize how much the whole tattoo process would force me to deal with body image issues I've been dealing with since high school. So the girl who doesn't like attention (especially to her body which will never be perfect and I know that) is going to have to learn to live with it. So bring on the compliments, the smiles and the gasps. Hell, tell me my artist sucks if you really want to get a rise out of me. ;) But with summer coming and my sleeves getting shorter and shorter, I'm ready to show off any of the work that I can show off, within reason obviously. ;)
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| Tattoo and artwork done by Adam Rose at Fallen Owl Tattoo, Lakewood, CO |
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| Tattoo and artwork done by Sherley Escribano at Fallen Owl Tattoo, Lakewood, CO |
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| Tattoo and artwork done by Freddie Arroyo at Fallen Owl Tattoo, Lakewood, CO |
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| Tattoo and artwork done by Adam Rose at Fallen Owl Tattoo, Lakewood, CO |
